I have been down here 3 weeks. I now know the ugly, sinister, horrifying truth about living in Florida. It's in my garden.
Chris photographed this slithering basilisk creeping into our drainpipe, which he calls home.
And these critters have entered my apartment at their leisure numerous times, prompting me to scream at Chris, "CLOSE THE DOOR!! CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!" If he happens to leave it open for longer than the alloted time period of a half second that I allow him to get in and out of our place. Because, as you have probably guessed, it takes the clever, and often vicious, palmetto bug a matter of 2 seconds to swoop through our door and begin its reign of terror. What I don't yet have pictures of are the numerous walking sticks, leaf bugs, brown leaf bugs, daddy longest legs I've ever seen, ants the size of Texas, small evil biting red ants, and flying things by the billion that have also taken up residence in our apartment. I have also seen geckos, anoles, skinks, and tree frogs clinging to our window, and in one horrifying instance on my way out to go to work, a gray thing with horns the size of a sparrow. The bugs are not only real in Florida, they are the only thing which matter in Florida. Bugs are king in Florida. I have not yet seen any rats, but with a forest directly behind my apartment that is miles and miles long, it really is only a matter of time.
The heat is also the only other "real" thing in Florida. It consumes you. It makes you crazy. I now dread getting into my car. If I don't have the sun shade up, am not parked under a tree, and don't have the windows down halfway, it gets so hot that I cannot touch anything without scalding my hands off. I can't even shift into drive. I have to shift into reverse, wait while hand cools, shift into neutral, wait til hand cools, then shift into drive, by this time eyes are watering copiously, partly from the sweat dripping into them, partly from tears. I take the dogs at my work out of their kennels to walk them outside, we reach the door, and no matter how badly they have to go, they turn right around and practically beg me not to take them out there. No ma'am, we'd rather sit in our own excrement than take a walk outside. I bought a convertible because I was moving to Florida. Now I realize that it's far too hot to have the top down in this 105+, heat index of 115, degree weather.
Trish, welcome to Florida. Uncle Alan, thanks for the warning.
6 comments:
Hahahahahahahaaahahahahaha.. oh...aawwwwwwwwwwwwwww =\
I miss you!!
In Florida you'll park half a mile from the mall entrance just because that is where the shade is. Oh, and the rats will come in the spring.
Trish, thank you for re-inforcing my idea that Florida is slowly being reabsorbed into a wild natural state. No matter how much they pave it over, the wildlife still prevails!!
Also, the heat/humidity wave we are having is more than enough for taste of Florida!
You'll be laughing at us in the winter...... ;o)
it's cute that you call flying cockroaches Palmetto bugs. Whatever makes you feel better about it.
Also, if it makes you feel any better my basement has been taken over by spiders. You can't step one foot in the basement without getting bitch-slapped in the face by spider webs, which is inevitably followed by jumping up and down cursing like you're channeling grandpa...as you can see this adds ridiculous amounts of time to the small task of getting a popsicle out of the freezer. i fear the day that i meet their king (or queen) down there.
i miss you already.
Laura, by the time the spiders go dormant you won't want a popsicle. It will be winter.
Glad to hear your getting on so well in Florida! Thank God for air conditioning huh? Good luck in school this fall.
Love,
Coco
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