How I got Angel (for those who wish to know)

WARNING: This is a rather long and tedious story. But I'm sick and bored with nothing else to do.


Angel, my 2 year old tabby, is my most recent addition to the zoo that is my apartment. I didn't plan on getting a cat until after Christmas, when, presumably, Chris and I would simply be rolling in the dough (as if that's ever true after Christmas, as if you aren't always dirt poor after the holidays, with nothing but endless bath n body works lotios and a $12 check from gramma to your name, you always fool yourself into thinking you'll have enough money to buy something extravagant.)
However, at work I ran across a flyer stating that, "Forgotten Felines of Pensacola will soon be shut down! Please come and adopt our beautiful babies, as on Augst 23rd, animal control will begin taking them away, and we risk them all being euthanized!" Of course, this broke my heart and I brought the notice home and showed Chris, whereupon he reminded me that we have neither the time nor the money for a cat. I pondered this for awhile, and even though I know he was right, I decided to connive him anyway, and went on petfinder.com, and started looking at pictures of the cats that would soon be euthanized.
Of course, I started bawling my eyes out, and sure enough Chris angrily told me to find out where the place was and that we could go the next day. I called the guy, and soon found out that this place was not a shelter, but someones house! I was given the most confusing directions known to man, and when Chris got home, we drove out to bufu, pensacola from pavement to gravel to dirt to sand roads until we finally happened up the guys house, which we only recognized from the paw print stickers all over the mail box and bumper sticks of the 140 cars with no tires in the yard.
The smell hit as soon as we were halfway up the driveway. It was a stench that only 300 cats living in one place could make. The guy wasn't home yet, so we peeked in the front window. Cats were everywhere. the meowing was deafening. Cats were coming up out of the floor, hanging from light fixtures, balancing on top of cupboards, all singing the meow mix song. This is an exaggeration, but only a very slight one. The guy came home (nice, but clearly very lonely) and let us in. the stench was eyewatering. Only a vet tech and a man with a nose of steel could have made it, thankfully, chris and I were both. There was no way of walking without stepping on cat poop, because a layer of it at least 6 inches thick coated the floor. These cats had the run of the house. They were in the kitchen, shitting on the pots and pans. they were in his bedroom, shitting on his bed. They were in the laundry room, shitting on the clothes. They were in the bathroom, amazing, shitting in the toilet, but not on purpose. We basically wandered amoungst these near-feral animals, clueless as to how we would be able to pick one. We had decided prior to entering the House of Ever-Enduring Stench that we wanted a female cat under 2 years of age. now we just wanted a cat that wasn't the one scaling our backs, knawing our shoes, or swatting us as we walked by.
Finally, I gave up and just decided to let a cat pick me. I walked from room to room, and watched for the one cat that was always there, trailing behind me. That cat turned out to be Angel, a mutt if ever a mutt there was. She must have had 5 different daddies, considering her color scheme. She looks like a calico with an old, ratty tabby overcoat on. But she was the one who had followed me since I arrived, meowing to be picked up. Most of the cats id picked up at this point, however, had scratched the living hell out of me, but when I picked up Angel, she just relaxed contentedly in my arms. She also had the least health probems of the cats that I had seen so far. And so that is how we got Angel, for a grand total of $0, and a parting word of, "Ummm, I think she's spayed...I've never seen her have a heat...." (she wasn't spayed, she rolled around this apartment like a little slut kitten for a week before i was able to get her in and spay her.)

While backing out of the driveway, a large orange tom cat leaped from the garage onto chris's car, and laid there happily until Chris and I shooed him off.

That is how I got Miss Angel, queen bitch of apartement 4E

Top reasons why gay people are the best and most amusing people to hang out with

1. You are never restricted to a single age group. In one night, your "clique" may consist of 2 people who are your age, a huge fat mexican kid, a 65 year old man with a handle bar mustache, a 7 foot tall black man whose age is unknown, and variously colored hair lesbians. The great [art about this is that everyone is completely eccentric and hilarious, and you don't have to worry at all about the old man with the handle bar mustache being a creepster.

2. The bar that your best friend (recently out of the closet) brings you to has a women's bathroom with a sign on the door saying, " No more than one at a time, or you will be kicked out!" And the men's bathroom has a swinging door, and every time the door swings open you can clearly see at least 5 guys in there at one time, all crammed around the one toilet, doing only god knows what.

3. Some guy will come and kick u out of your corner of the bar at any time of the night and inform u that, "the HIV testing crew is going to set up here," and you laugh thinking that he's just trying to tease the dumb straight girl, then sure enough 5 seconds later guys with stethascopes and black briefcases start pulling out medical equipment in the corner and guys start lining up behind a curtain.

4. Gay people know how to make the most amazing drinks u have ever heard of. they have more alcoholic beverages in their homes then the average bennys beverage depot. That is, gay guys. The average lesbian (one of my best friends, liz) will more than likely pore half of a 10 dollar bottle of vodka in a blender with some ice and kool-aid and call it a day.

5. Gay people always have the best pets. this is coming from someone with about a million pets. Gay guys combined with wiener dog people (wiener dog people CANNOT just have one wiener dog. they always come in threes. Much like crazy cat ladies, who;s cats come in 5's.) Gay guys/wiener dog people combination = multiple wiener dogs dressed in the latest fashions...sailor collars, turtlenecks, hats, booties. Basically the cutest thing yo have ever seen.

6. You can only get to gay clubs and bars with a gay person. They are such holes in the wall, and in the most unlikely of places, that without a friend to guide you back, you have no chance of ever finding again. Much like Number 12, Grimmauld place in harry potter, even if u find the general area in which the club was in, it will seemed to have melted back into the other buildings, and you will never find it, no matter how many times you walk past the place where u thought the door was.

7. Your gay friends always have the best bit of drama going on. You always seem to be in a fight, about to get in a fight, thinking about getting in a fight, wondering how to start a fight, or driving at a person full tilt in a parking lot screaming, "Thats my girlfriend, BITCH!"

This is especially true for lesbians.

Brain, Jeremiah, Liz, Paige, Shane, you guys are the best people to hang out with, by far.