Yes, this is me buried in a quagmire of crap, and it all came out of the attic. We are moving, folks.
Excellent reasons to break a lease:
1. Space to living organisms ration- .00000000005 : 10 (Not counting roaches. Yes, I will get to that.) Place may be considered too small under the circustances that: getting from the bathroom to the door is much like the obstacle course in the crucible portion of a marine's training, two people cannot be in the bathroom at the same time to brush teeth, one person and one cat in bathroom is considered claustrophobic, coffee table must be moved out of the way to accomodate bed, cleaning apartment each morning is a feat of epic proportions considering the amount of furniture that must be rearranged to allow for normal, everyday living.
2. Mattress reeks like methane-producing archaebacteria from the earth's core, for unknown reasons, and continues to get worse, garbage disposal breaks randomly and at most inoppurtune times, heater actually works only when it feels like it, refrigerator door will not close all the way, freezer door requires force in excess of 600 tons per square foot to open, fan will not turn on, will only make extremely loud buzzing noise.
3. Small, suspiciously cockroach-like bugs are being found in bathroom, 2 weeks later, suspicious noises for closet turn out to be mastodon-sized behemoth roach, orkin man comes and informs you that your neighbors seem "to enjoy having roaches" and two weeks after that your cat is chasing a cockroach around your apartment that is approximatly the same size as her and runs at a steady clip of 65 mph. Roach continues to live after being crushed repeatedly with a cookie tin with same force used to open freezer door.
We are moving the hell out, to a one bedroom, before I lose my damned sanity.
4 comments:
First of all, you apparently have inherited your great grandmothers DNA. Great Grandma Webb was a pack rat like no other, although her living quarters were not all that cluttered, her basement looked like your apartment.
Second, where did you get that mattress? I saw a piece on television a few years back where unscrupulous people found old mattresses on the side of the road and re-covered them to look like new and sold them to unsuspecting people.
By the way, if you had gone to school down here, you'd have had a nice apartment to rent from your uncle.
http://alanputz.blogspot.com/2008/02/photo-friday_08.html
that bug gave me chills.
ugh.
yesterday over cocktails my coworker was telling me stories about when she lived in South Carolina and she slept with the lights on so that the Palmetto bugs would not dive-bomb her head while whe was sleeping.
i thought of you.
cheers to moving so that random bug stories won't make me wonder how you're doing.
YEAH!!!!!! Trish is back!! and making me even MORE sure that I will never be moving down south! Thank God for our below zero temps that keep the bug population at bay! And I will remember that when it hits -5 tonight!! Love ya!
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